|
Post by LMC on Jun 19, 2007 10:33:58 GMT -6
;D ;D ;D ;D
|
|
|
Post by grumpypirate on Jun 19, 2007 15:36:30 GMT -6
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D I love that, GP! Hee hee, and that's only the begining of the LONG list I happen to have......hee hee.
|
|
|
Post by Nancyd021410 on Jun 19, 2007 16:59:55 GMT -6
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D I love that, GP! Hee hee, and that's only the begining of the LONG list I happen to have......hee hee. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
|
|
|
Post by grumpypirate on Jun 19, 2007 21:46:56 GMT -6
More Unsolved mysteries
Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on? How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time? If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"? When the French swear do they say pardon my English? Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head? How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why are the adjectives 'fast as' and 'slow as' often used in conjunction with hell, is hell slow or fast? If the serving size on a can of soda is one can, then why is the serving size on the little can one can, too? Wouldn't the little cans be 2 cans? If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family? Why are red buttons always the most important? How is chess considered a sport? Why is it when your sleeping it`s called drool but when your awake its called spit? If a hermaphrodite got sent to a certain gender prison, which one would it get sent to? If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be "degraded"?
|
|
|
Post by HY on Jun 20, 2007 12:12:58 GMT -6
Keep 'em coming, GP. These are great! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
|
|
|
Post by grumpypirate on Jun 20, 2007 15:40:25 GMT -6
Even more unsolved mysteries
Would you die if you didn't pee? Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man? How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up. Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs. When Atheists go to Court, they can't swear on the bible, can they? If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles? If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up? Could you be a closet claustrophobic? Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them? If ketchup is good on french fries, how come it isn't good on mashed potatoes? Where do all the daylight savings hours go? Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head? What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror? Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT" Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"? How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt? Why doesn't broccoli come in a can?
|
|
|
Post by HY on Jun 20, 2007 15:42:52 GMT -6
|
|
|
Post by LMC on Jun 21, 2007 14:02:47 GMT -6
Things Not To Say To Your Parents While At College...
Are you saying that I'm not good enough for Jack-in-the-Box?
Hey dad, are there any openings at your office?
I'm converting!
I'm coming out of the closet! Just kidding...hello? hello, anyone there?
I don't know, I think a nipple ring is very fashion conscience.
Who are you again?
Mom, you too can be saved.
I need more money for my gambling ring.
Hold on a second, I have to get rid of the body.
Have you ever tried Vivarin! I mean a lot of it at once! It's amazing. I wrote two papers, memorized the Spanish to English dictionary, made sis a sweater, invented a new way to dry laundry, and I- my, my heart.. I can't bre-
From now on, you'll call me Mohammed.
I'd love to talk to you, but I have more important things in my life to do.
Is it possible to get a 12-year old girl pregnant?
Hey mom, you know how you and dad got married at 20, well...
This is my home away from home. I have new friends, and a family here with two kids and - um, forget what I just said.
And I joined the Republican party!
I just can't take it anymore. The pressure! The Pressure! Aaaaaaaaaaah! (Click)
Mom, send me some neosporin. I seem to have a lot of cold sores.
When are you coming to visit! I really want to see you!
|
|
|
Post by LMC on Jun 21, 2007 14:04:13 GMT -6
Things to Never Say to a Woman During an Argument
Whoa, time out. Football is on.
Sorry. I was just picturing you naked.
Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?
Don't you have some laundry to do or something?
You are so cute when you get mad.
You're just upset because your bottom is beginning to spread.
Wait a minute - I get it. What time of the month is it?
You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?
Looks like someone had an extra bowl of bitch flakes this morning!
Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain't loaded.
|
|
|
Post by LMC on Jun 21, 2007 14:08:12 GMT -6
Things to do on an Elevator
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: 'Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!' Whistle the first seven notes of 'It's a Small World' incessantly. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: 'Got enough air in there?' Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: 'I've got new socks on!' Meow occasionally. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. Walk on with a cooler that says 'human head' on the side. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce 'You're one of THEM!' and move to the far corner of the elevator. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask 'Is that your beeper?' Say 'Ding!' at each floor. Say 'I wonder what all these do' and push the red buttons. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space.' Announce in a demonic voice: 'I must find a more suitable host body.' Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
|
|
|
Post by HY on Jun 21, 2007 14:13:44 GMT -6
Oh, I so needed a good laugh today! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Thank you Chelsea, these are great!
|
|
|
Post by grumpypirate on Jun 21, 2007 20:44:34 GMT -6
|
|
|
Post by grumpypirate on Jun 21, 2007 20:47:18 GMT -6
More unsolved mysteries
Can you slam a revolving door? What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? If winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons? What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card? Can you read a picture book? Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism? Why does it say do not use before work with heavy machinery on the back of childrens tylenol? I mean..really could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts! If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror? if you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19? What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8? What shape is the sky? If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead? Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves? If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking? If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?
|
|
|
Post by Nancyd021410 on Jun 22, 2007 6:23:03 GMT -6
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
|
|
|
Post by grumpypirate on Jun 24, 2007 21:34:26 GMT -6
What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea? Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic? Why are dandelions considered weeds when daisies are considered flowers? Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? Whenever an adult is kidnapped why isn't it called adultnapped?? Why do blacklights look purple? Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat, town, or his pony Macaroni? Why is it that people duck in the rain, do they really think the rain won't hit them? How come the Bible is the most stolen book, and one of the ten comandments is "thou shall not steal"? Why isn't the caps lock capitalized? If there's a hole straight through the earth, from the south pole to the north pole, and you jump through it what would happen? would you keep falling forever, or fall back down when you get to the middle, or is it physically impossible? If someone with a nostril ring takes it out, then blows their nose, do they have to cover that hole as well as their nostril holes so that snot does'nt blow out everywere?
|
|